Takers

Takers revolves around a notorious group of criminals (Idris Elba, Paul Walker, T.I., Chris Brown, Hayden Christensen and Michael Ealy) who continue to baffle police by pulling off perfectly executed bank robberies. They are in and out like clockwork, leaving no evidence behind and laying low in between heists. But when they attempt to pull off one last job with more money at stake than ever before, the crew may find their plans interrupted by a hardened detective (Matt Dillon) who is hell-bent on solving the case.

This is literally an urban wannabe version of Heat. Heat happens to be one of my favorite movies of all time. Its one of those that I stop what I'm doing if I'm flipping through the channels and see that its on. Unfortunately, this wannabe urban version of it is just kind of there. Idris Elba is no Robert DeNiro. Matt Dillon is no Al Pacino. Chris Brown and T.I. aren't even actors! And the director comes nowhere near building the level of tension that Michael Mann did in Heat. Hell, most of the really cool scenes are taken straight after other heist movies. For example, the armored truck stuff . . . . been there done that in The Italian Job. And of course I have yet to address the biggest problem with this movie . . . . . or any movie he is in . . . . Hayden Christiansen. I hate him. The second I see him I get angry at how he destroyed everything I came to love about Star Wars.

I wouldn't really recommend anyone bothering checking this out. Its not that its bad. Its somewhat watchable but it is literally a knockoff of Heat and other heist movies.

Lottery Ticket

Kevin Carson (Bow Wow), a young man living in the projects, wins $370 million in a nationwide lottery. When his opportunistic neighbors discover he has the winning ticket in his possession, Kevin must survive their greedy and sometimes even threatening actions over a three-day holiday weekend before he can claim his prize.

I made it exactly 34 minutes in to this movie before pulling the plug. Ironically, I slightly laughed for the first time just before turning it off, but the everything before that was so just kind of there that the one laugh wasn't enough for me to keep watching. This movie is really nothing more than a wannabee Friday but without Chris Tucker. Toss around the fact that Friday would have sucked without Chris Tucker and that would be why I pulled the plug on this bad boy.

I really wouldn't recommend anyone wasting their time with this wannabe retread. Its a total waste.

The Switch

Jennifer Aniston stars alongside Jason Bateman in this offbeat comedy as Kassie, a smart, fun-loving single woman who, despite her neurotic best friend Wally's (Bateman) objections, decides it's time to have a baby. Even if it means doing it by herself... with a little help from a charming sperm donor (Patrick Wilson). But, unbeknownst to her, Kassie's plans go awry because of a last-minute switch that isn't discovered until seven years later when Wally finally gets acquainted with Kassie's cute--though slightly neurotic--son.

This is one of those movies that I was confused about. I enjoyed it - mostly because of Jason Bateman and the kid - but the movie really is one of those just kind of there movies. Jennifer Aniston continues to play Rachel from Friends. Juliette Lewis is beyond annoying as the best friend. Jeff Goldblum is annoying and useless. But there was something about Jason Bateman and the kid and their connection that made me care where it was going even though you pretty much know from the trailer how its going to go.

I would lukewarmly recommend people checking this out. Its not a must see by any means but there are much worse things out there.

Pirahna 3D

Every year the population of sleepy Lake Victoria explodes from 5,000 to 50,000 for Spring Break; a riot of sun and drunken fun. But this year, there's something more to worry about than hangovers and complaints from local old timers. A new type of terror is about to be cut loose on Lake Victoria. After a sudden underwater tremor sets free scores of the prehistoric man-eating fish, an unlikely group of strangers must band together to stop themselves from becoming fish food for the area's new razor-toothed residents.

Holy no shame, Batman! This movie features the most blatant nudity and insane gore I've seen since a 70s/80s B movie. It was crazy. I expected it to be gory, but not THIS gory. I expected there to be nudity, but not THAT much nudity. This is the R-est of R movies I've seen in a while. There was really nothing that they held back on. The only thing that made this movie enjoyable is that it was supposed to be like this. The thing about these movies is that they don't try to be something they're not. Its a lame ass movie about killer fish. Everything is blatantly over the top and it ends being enjoyable/laughable because of that . . . . . as long as you can handle the gore. There is one scene with the fish in particular that had be howling with laughter. Beyond gross - but so campy and funny.

I would recommend this movie to anyone who enjoys campy horror movies like this. Its a truly horrible movie but they all knew that making it. Enjoy the schlock if you can.

Centurion

AD 117. The Roman Empire stretches from Egypt to Spain, and East as far as the Black Sea. But in northern Britain, the relentless onslaught of conquest has ground to a halt in face of the guerrilla tactics of an elusive enemy: the savage and terrifying tribes known as the Picts. Quintus, sole survivor of a Pictish raid on a Roman frontier fort, marches north with General Virilus' legendary Ninth Legion, under orders to wipe the Picts from the face of the earth and destroy their leader Gorlacon. But when the legion is ambushed on unfamiliar ground, and Virilus taken captive, Quintus faces a desperate struggle to keep his small platoon alive behind enemy lines, evading remorseless Pict pursuers over harsh terrain, as the band of soldiers race to rescue their General, and to reach the safety of the Roman frontier.

This movie is opening up extremely limited. Thats because it pretty much is a giant turd. The preview made it seem like it might be somewhat watchable for a Roman empire period piece and what not. It isn't. Its easily a direct to DVD fluff piece. Its the same old story and the battles are just about showing as much gore as possible. I couldn't even force myself to finish the movie because I was bored out of my mind.

I wouldn't recommend that anyone bother wasting their time on this. Its probably not going to be playing at too many theaters near you anyway. This is a good thing.

Nanny McPhee Returns

Nanny McPhee appears at the door of a harried young mother, Mrs. Isabel Green (Maggie Gyllenhaal), who is trying to run the family farm while her husband is away at war. But once she's arrived, Nanny McPhee discovers that Mrs. Green's children are fighting a war of their own against two spoiled city cousins who have just moved in and refuse to leave. Relying on everything from a flying motorcycle and a statue that comes to life to a tree-climbing piglet and a baby elephant who turns up in the oddest places, Nanny McPhee uses her magic to teach her mischievous charges five new lessons.


I'll admit that I actually really enjoyed the first Nanny McPhee. It was a quality family movie with morals for the kids and some pretty decent laughs. This one was kind of over the top and they took away the moral magic and replaced it with actual magic. Once that cutesy part was gone, the movie kind of ended up being blah.


I wouldn't really recommend anyone checking this out. Even those of you desperate for something to do with your kids. This is a pretty big waste of your time and money.

Vampires Suck

Vampires Suck is a comedy about contemporary teen angst and romance movies. Becca, an anxious, non-vampire teen, is torn between two boys. Before she can choose, Becca must get around her controlling father, who embarrasses Becca by treating her like a child. Meanwhile, Becca’s friends contend with their own romantic issues – all of which collide at the prom.


This is another one of those lame-a$$ spoof movies. I beg of them to stop making 4-5 of these a year. Let some time go by and get better material and maybe there might be more than two laughs in the whole movie . . . . if there are even two. This one didn't have anything in the first 25 minutes to make WW and I care enough to waste any more time. The plug was happily pulled.


I wouldn't recommend that anyone bother with this juicy turd. Its a complete and total waste of time.

The Expendables

The Expendables is a hard-hitting action/thriller about a group of mercenaries hired to infiltrate a South American country and overthrow its ruthless dictator. Once the mission begins, the men realize things aren’t quite as they appear, finding themselves caught in a dangerous web of deceit and betrayal. With their mission thwarted and an innocent life in danger, the men struggle with an even tougher challenge – one that threatens to destroy this band of brothers.


This movie is exactly what you would expect it to be. Its straight up testosterone on the screen. Big guys. Big guns. Lots of explosions. Horrible dialogue. Weak a$$ story. Lots of fighting. I loved it. It was a total 80s action movie throwback. The scene with Stallone, Willis and Schwartzenneger is hysterical. The fact that they have Stone Cold Steve Austin and Randy Couture have a big fight one on one is a total shout out to the WWE/UFC fans. The best part of the movie is the chemistry between all of these action actors. You can tell that they probably had a LOT of fun making this movie and it shows throughout.


I would definitely recommend people who were interested in this movie checking it out. If you want action - this movie couldn't deliver more.

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

Meet charming and jobless Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera). A bass guitarist for garage band Sex Bob-omb, the 22-year-old has just met the girl of his dreams...literally. The only catch to winning Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead)? Her seven evil exes are coming to kill him.

Let me just state for the record before proceeding that this is one of the most ridiculous, silly, over the top movies I have ever seen. That being said, this movie was so ridiculous, silly and over the top that I ended up really enjoying it. Its NOT a good movie at all. I would never recommend this to anyone as a good movie. I liked it because of how not good it was. Michael Cera plays the same damn character that he has 10 times already. The story is ridiculous. The batman like fight words throughout were insane. The dialogue was totally straight from friends sitting around bs-ing. Yet, all of that mushed together and thrown on the big screen was so bad that I liked it.

Again, I wouldn't blatantly recommend that anyone watch this. Its a bad movie. But if you are like me and can derive joy from something so bad that it ends up being good - you should go check this out.

Step Up 3D

New York's street dancing underground comes alive in the third installment of the "Step Up" franchise as the raw, passion-fueled culture goes global. A tight-knit group of street dancers, including Luke (Rick Malambri) and Natalie (Sharni Vinson), team up with NYU freshman Moose (Adam Sevani), and find themselves pitted against the world's best breakdancers in a high-stakes showdown that will change their lives forever.


This movie was such a letdown after the second one. I have gotten over my shock at how much I enjoyed the second one. I believe its still one of Stinka's top 3 of all time. The dancing was fun, you kind of cared about the characters and it had that underdog story firing on all cylinders. This one not so much. It was all very forced with no effort in to any of the above things. It was basically just 3 or 4 big dances that they just wanted to get to. You only care about one character who was carried over from the second one, but it keeps going back and forth about how much he mattered.

I wouldn't really recommend anyone bothering to check this out. It was very forced, scattered, and the dance scenes weren't even that impressive. Go watch Step Up 2 The Streets instead.

The Other Guys

Set in New York City, The Other Guys follows Detective Allen Gamble (Will Ferrell), a forensic accountant who's more interested in paperwork than hitting the streets, and Detective Terry Hoitz (Mark Wahlberg), who has been stuck with Allen as his partner ever since an embarrassing public incident with his quick trigger finger. Allen and Terry idolize the city's top cops, Danson and Manzetti (Dwayne Johnson and Samuel L. Jackson), but when an opportunity arises for the Other Guys to step up, things don't quite go as planned.

I am shocked at how funny this movie ended up being. I saw the preview and figured it would just be another Will Ferrell movie with a few laughs but not really worth the time. I also figured that Mark Wahlberg would fall so completely flat. I was wrong on both accounts. Mark Wahlberg actually ended up being the funniest part of the movie and I think this was the funniest that Will Ferrell has been since Elf, taking away any roles where he was playing off of John C Reilly. The two of them worked off of each other much better than I could have imagined.

I would definitely recommend people checking this out for a good laugh. Although, I should state for the record that I went in to this with NO expectations whatsoever and was pleasantly surprised. Not sure if it would be as good if you were to go in with expectations.

Middle Men

In 1995, everyone had a VCR, music was sold in record stores, and the world-wide-web was a new found discovery. Businessman Jack Harris (Luke Wilson) had the perfect life - a beautiful family and a successful career fixing problem companies. And then he met Wayne Beering (Giovanni Ribisi) and Buck Dolby (Gabriel Macht), two genius but troubled men, who had invented the way adult entertainment is sold over the internet. When Jack agrees to help steer their business, he soon finds himself caught between a 23 year-old porn star and the FBI all the while becoming one of the wealthiest entrepreneurs of his time.

I was very surprised at how good this movie ended up being. I pretty much went in to it expecting it to just be an excuse for nudity and had a back up plan in case to bail and get another movie checked off my list. However, the nudity wasn't over the top considering that the movie is about pornography and the internet. The movie ended up being more about dealing with the mob and the feds and had some pretty enjoyable performances. Luke Wilson was his usual self where you find yourself laughing even though he is completely straight faced. His character was very believable and you found yourself rooting for him.

I would definitely recommend people checking this out. It is a surprisingly good watch.