Disaster Movie

Disaster Movie follows the comic misadventures of a group of twenty-somethings during one fateful night as they try to make their way to safety while every known natural disaster and catastrophic event - asteroids, twisters, earthquakes, the works – hits the city and their path as they try to solve a series of mysteries to end the rampant destruction. Taking aim at everything and everyone, from Indiana Jones and Iron Man to Amy Winehouse and High School Musical, Disaster Movie lampoons the blockbuster movie, pop culture icons and public figures along the way.

I admit that I have a problem. Anyone reading this is going to think why in the blue hell would he have even bothered to go see that. Please understand that I am a registered movie junkie who pretty much sees any movie that makes it to theaters. If I miss them, I make sure to see them as soon as they come out on video. Its also all free. In the last 10 years I've paid for maybe 6 movies. No cost + admitted addiction = seeing movies like Disaster Movie no matter how atrocious the preview makes them look. Now that I've gotten that out there, this movie was surprisingly not as tough to sit through as I expected. Granted, I had lower than the bottom of the barrel expectations for this movie so I'm sure that swayed my opinion of it a bit. It is definitely a horrible movie as are all of these overdone spoof movies. One every 3 or 4 years would be good. 3 - 4 a year is just plain out of control. But this one made me laugh out loud a couple of times. The spoofs on High School Musical, Enchanted, Step Up, and Alvin & The Chipmunks all had me going.

Even though I laughed quite a bit more than I thought I would - I can't bring myself to actually recommend this movie to anyone. It was a really bad movie, but if you tend to like spoof movies - this is one of the better ones by comparison to the recent releases. Thats really not saying much though.

Babylon A.D.

It is the not-too-distant future. Thousands of satellites scan, observe and monitor our every move. Much of the planet is a war zone; the rest, a collection of wretched way stations, teeming megalopolises, and vast wastelands punctuated by areas left radioactive from nuclear meltdowns. It is a world made for hardened warriors, one of whom, a mercenary known only as Toorop (Vin Diesel), lives by a simple survivor's code: kill... or be killed. His latest assignment has him smuggling a young woman named Aurora from a convent in Kazakhstan to New York City. Toorop, his new young charge Aurora (Melanie Thierry) and Aurora's guardian Sister Rebeka (Michelle Yeoh) embark on a 6,000 mile journey that takes them from Eastern Europe, through a refugee camp in "New Russia," across the Bering Straight in a pilfered submarine, then through the frozen tundra of Alaska and Canada, and finally to New York. Facing obstacles at every turn, Toorop, the killer for hire, is tested like never before, in ways he could never have imagined - as he comes to understand that he is the custodian of the only hope for the future of mankind. For the first time in his life, Toorop has to make a choice: to make a difference or walk away and save himself. Too bad it came on the day he died.

This could have easily been a very good sci-fi movie. Unfortunately, it was done totally half-assed and ended up being a big pile of poop. The movie started off great. Sure, there was bound to be horrible acting throughout but they did a good job of setting up the future world and what not. The transporting of the girl started off great with mystery about what the special girl was, tension between the three parties in the group and action scenes sprinkled in. It all fell apart when the three of them were in a tent after a snowmobile scene and they were suddenly all good friends. I could tell at that point that there was a massive amount of footage edited out of the movie and it would probably be a bumpy ride for the rest of the film. Sure enough - it was. I'm going to guess that this was probably a 2 hour and 20 minute movie that the studio wanted cut down to 1 1/2 hours and the director totally screwed the pooch by randomly editing and making the movie from that point about as close to unbearable as it could have gotten.

I wouldn't recommend this movie to anyone. It was really really bad. It probably would have been bad regardless of editing, but the editing made it a steaming pile of dung.

Traitor

Don Cheadle and Guy Pearce star in Traitor, a taut international thriller set against a jigsaw puzzle of covert counter-espionage operations.

You can tell by the above summary and the fact that you've probably never seen anything about this movie that it wasn't really marketed too much. That is truly a shame because this was a phenomenal movie. This is one of the better political action thrillers without the word Bourne in the title I've ever seen. Don Cheadle and Guy Pearce were their usual awesome selves. The thing that made this movie so awesome is that it felt so beyond real. It didn't feel like you were watching a movie. That's also the scary part. As you are watching this movie and completely enjoying the suspense of it - there is that part of your brain that is freaking out because all of these things are currently happening all around us. This movie made me even more paranoid than I usually am about getting on any planes, buses or trains.

I fully recommend everyone checking this one out. It is by far and away the best end of summer release and the only non-holdover movie worth venturing out to see.

The House Bunny

Shelley is living a carefree life until a rival gets her tossed out of the Playboy Mansion. With nowhere to go, fate delivers her to the sorority girls from Zeta Alpha Zeta. Unless they can sign a new pledge class, the seven socially clueless women will lose their house to the scheming girls of Phi Iota Mu. In order to accomplish their goal, they need Shelley to teach them the ways of makeup and men; at the same time, Shelley needs some of what the Zetas have – a sense of individuality. The combination leads all the girls to learn how to stop pretending and start being themselves.

This was a textbook end of the summer comedy. The type of movie that they make just to sort of throw out there for the girlies who are tired of all the non stop action at theaters and make a couple million dollars in the process. This movie wasn't necessarily bad, but it wasn't all that good either. The part that really saved it for me was watching Anna Farris interact with the misfit sorority girls. There were a couple of times where I was belly laughing. However, once she had them all transformed - it went back to being nowhere near as funny.

I wouldn't really recommend people checking this out in theaters because it really would be a waste of time. I'd would just wait until its available for rental.

Death Race

Three-time speedway champion Jensen Ames (Statham) is an expert at survival in the harsh landscape that has become our country. Just as he thinks he has turned his life around, the ex-con is framed for a gruesome murder he didn't commit. Forced to don the mask of the mythical driver Frankenstein -- a crowd favorite who seems impossible to kill -- Ames is given an easy choice by Terminal Island's warden (Joan Allen): suit up or rot away in a cell. His face hidden by a metallic mask, one convict will be put through an insane three-day challenge. Ames must survive a gauntlet of the most vicious criminals in the country's toughest prison to claim the prize of freedom. Driving a monster car outfitted with machine guns, flamethrowers and grenade launchers, one desperate man will destroy anything in his path to win the most twisted spectator sport on Earth.

If it were physically possible to bottle testosterone, pour it on to movie film and run it through a projector - I'm pretty sure it would turn out looking exactly like this. Seriously. This movie is a textbook, old school 80s action movie. Total badass characters, start to finish action, no story development, pretty much no script, female navigators sprinkled in for no reason whatsoever, and the good guy beating the bad guy as violently as possible. All of that being said - I really liked the movie because I really liked these kinds of movies (think Stallone's and Schwartzenegger's early movies) from back in the day. It is by no means a good movie in terms of quality. I just found myself thoroughly enjoying it. Jason Statham plays pretty much the same character he does in every movie. I have always enjoyed watching Ian McShane talk since Deadwood started on HBO a couple of years back. Can't for the life of me figure out why Joan Allen decided to be in this, but she was entertaining as the bitchy warden. The only real problem I had with the movie was that for all of the tough guys in the race and the prison, Joan Allen's number one prison guard was the dorkiest looking bad guy I've ever seen in a role like that. I found myself getting annoyed every time I saw him.

I would fully recommend this movie to anyone who loves straight up action movies. If you aren't one of those people, I wouldn't touch this bad boy with a ten foot pole.

The Rocker

The Rocker tells the story of a failed, over-the-hill drummer who gets a second chance at fame. Robert "Fish" Fishman is the extremely dedicated and astoundingly passionate drummer for the eighties hair band Vesuvius who is living the rock 'n' roll dream until he is unceremoniously kicked out of the group. Unfortunately for Fish, this happens right before Vesuvius becomes one of the biggest bands in the world. Fish is then forced to get a 'real' job and abandon his dream until an unlikely opportunity arises. Twenty years after getting booted out of the band he helped create, just when Fish has finally given up hope, all of his wildest fantasies come true.

I am a huge fan of Raiin Wilson from The Office. The character of Dwight that he plays is one of the best, if not the number one, character on television. If you aren't watching - you REALLY should be. I was somewhat excited about this movie even though it looked so stupid from the trailers just because I wanted to see what he could do without the rest of the awesome Office cast around him. I didn't have super high expectations because the movie did look absolutely absurd. However, I ended up being pleasantly surprised. This was by no means a good movie. Its actually a pretty bad one. That being said - I enjoyed it. It was totally formula and ridiculous but I found myself rooting for Fish and his new band to make it big. There was some big laughs and I found Fish's insane amount of sweating hilarious because I have the same problem. This is probably what you could call a guilty pleasure movie.

Even though I liked the movie - I can't say that I would all out recommend it to everyone. If you are looking for some laughs and don't have high expectations - go and check it out. Honesty, you'd probably be better off waiting for rental though.

Mirrors

Ben Carson (Kiefer Sutherland) has seen better days. It's been nearly a year since the volatile detective was suspended from the NYPD for fatally shooting another undercover officer, an accident that not only cost him his job, but fueled the alcoholism and anger that has alienated his wife and kids and left him crashing on his sister's couch in Queens. Desperate to pull his life together and reconnect with his family, Carson takes a job as a night watchman at the burned-out ruins of the Mayflower department store. What once was a symbol of prosperity and grandeur now sits decaying in the darkness like a rotting ghost ship, destroyed by a massive fire that devoured numerous innocent lives. As Carson patrols the eerie, charred remains of the store, he begins to notice something sinister about the ornate mirrors that adorn the Mayflower walls. Reflected in the gigantic shimmering glass are horrific images that stun Carson. Beyond projecting gruesome images of the past, the mirrors appear to be manipulating reality as well. When Carson sees his own reflection being tortured, he suffers the physical effects of his fractured visions. Suddenly the troubled ex-cop finds himself battling his personal demons and the ones that have hijacked his reflection, tormenting him with convulsions, spontaneous bleeding and near suffocation.

This is another one of the Japanese horror remakes like The Ring, The Grudge, One Missed Call and Shutter. This is one of the crappier ones. Its crappier for a couple of reasons. First of all - it has a legitimate actor in Jack Bauer . . . . uh, I mean Kiefer Sutherland. You would expect something more based on higher caliber of actors. You don't get it. Secondly, the good Japanese horror movies tend to rely on those shock moments to scare the crap out of you. This one doesn't really have to much of that. Instead, they dial up the gore level 20 notches and there really is no need for that kind of gross out crap. Finally, there are the just plain silly storyline moments. If you are a night watchmen who has to portray this broken down place every hour and something totally insane happens on the initial walk through do you investigate further or do you get the hell out of there and never return? Yeah - going back again and again and again is just plain silly. Secondly, whats the deal with being able to pull people through the reflection of layer of water on a hard wood floor? Its not a pool in the middle of the hallway. There still is a floor underneath that puddle, right? That's just plain dumb.

Needless to say, I was not a big fan of this movie at all. I really wouldn't recommend anyone checking this out. Even the die hard horror fans could go ahead and wait for it to come out on video.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

As the Clone Wars sweep through the galaxy, the heroic Jedi Knights struggle to maintain order and restore peace. More and more systems are falling prey to the forces of the dark side as the Galactic Republic slips further and further under the sway of the Separatists and their never-ending droid army. Anakin Skywalker and his Padawan learner Ahsoka Tano find themselves on a mission with far-reaching consequences, one that brings them face-to-face with crime lord Jabba the Hutt. But Count Dooku and his sinister agents, including the nefarious Asajj Ventress, will stop at nothing to ensure that Anakin and Ahsoka fail at their quest. Meanwhile, on the front lines of the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Master Yoda lead the massive clone army in a valiant effort to resist the forces of the dark side.

Star Wars has been like a religion to me for most of my life. Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back and Return Of The Jedi have always been and will always be my three favortie movies of all time. To this day - I will still stop whatever I'm doing if I happen to catch any of them as I'm flipping through the channels. I couldn't wait to see the three prequels and believe it or not I left each one of them absolutely loving them . . . . . . warts and all. It wasn't until it came to repeated viewings of the prequels that I realized how poopish they really were. Regardless, I wasn't willing to write off the genius that was George Lucas. I know that his legacy was dented but I was still proud to call myself a die hard fan. Then I saw this gigantic turd. Star Wars: The Clone Wars is obviously a kids movie with it being animated and what not. Essentially its a saturday morning cartoon. The first problem is that its basically a saturday morning cartoon . . . . . . . for girls. The new character that they introduce, Anakin's female padawan, is basically the central character of the movie and is so beyond annoying that those who hated Jar Jar might end up putting him on par with Darth Maul in terms of coolness compared to her. The second problem is that their mission is to protect Jabba's "huttling" that they keep referring to as Stinky. I'm not joking. It was absurd. The third and biggest problem was the introduction of Jabba's uncle Zero - who is portrayed as flamboyantly gay. Again - not kidding. I just sort of sat there with my mouth wide open and the what the hell look on my face. This movie was totally horrible and George Lucas should honestly be ashamed of himself for associating the unequivocable greatness that is the original Star Wars trilogy with this crapola.

I woulnd't recommend anyone seeing this. Little kids will absolutely love it but it is just downright painful for those of us who grew up with the REAL Star Wars to sit through.

Tropic Thunder

Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey Jr. lead an ensemble cast in Tropic Thunder, an action comedy about a group of self-absorbed actors who set out to make the most expensive war film. After ballooning costs force the studio to cancel the movie, the frustrated director refuses to stop shooting, leading his cast into the jungles of Southeast Asia, where they encounter real bad guys.

I can't believe how funny this movie was. I was beyond shocked. I thought at best it would be somewhat funny, but I was laughing out loud for most of this movie. Robert Downey Jr. was beyond awesome and I can't stress enough how happy I am to see him back in the mainstream. I haven't seen an actor return from the dead like he has this summer since John Travolta with Pulp Fiction. Jack Black played really well off of everyone else and Ben Stiller was a lot funnier than he usually is. The absolute best part of this movie was Tom Cruise. Yes that's right. Tom Cruise. He is in this movie and plays an obnoxious, bald, hairy, film producer. It is possibly the best career movie I've ever witnessed in my entire life. He was by far and away the best and funniest part of this movie. This movie might have the best credit sequence I've ever seen.

I fully recommend that everyone check this one out. In terms of comedies, I give this the must see stamp.

Swing Vote

Swing Vote follows the story of Bud Johnson (Kevin Costner), an apathetic, beer-slinging, lovable loser, who is coasting through a life that has passed him by. The one bright spot is his precocious, over-achieving twelve-year-old daughter Molly. She takes care of both of them, until one mischievous moment on Election Day, when she accidentally sets off a chain of events which culminates in the election coming down to one vote... her dad's.

This movie was a really well done satire on the whole electoral process here in the United States. Ironically, the whole underlying thing about Bud (and the vast majority of our nations population) not caring enough about voting ultimately makes you end up not really caring about this movie. Even though it was actually a pretty good movie and there were decent performances by all (except Costner who was his usual awful self), I found myself just kind of wanting it to end the whole time. Again - not because it was bad but more because I was bored and totally knew how it was going to end before even walking in to the theater.

I would recommend this movie for rental but not in theaters. It does end up being a pretty decent feel good movie, but takes too long to get there and drags a lot along the way.

Pineapple Express

Lazy stoner Dale Denton (Seth Rogen) has only one reason to visit his equally lazy dealer Saul Silver (James Franco): to purchase weed, specifically, a rare new strain called Pineapple Express. But when Dale becomes the only witness to a murder by a crooked cop (Rosie Perez) and the city's most dangerous drug lord (Gary Cole), he panics and dumps his roach of Pineapple Express at the scene. Dale now has another reason to visit Saul: to find out if the weed is so rare that it can be traced back to him. And it is. As Dale and Saul run for their lives, they quickly discover that they're not suffering from weed-fueled paranoia; incredibly, the bad guys really are hot on their trail and trying to figure out the fastest way to kill them both. All aboard the Pineapple Express.

I really liked the first half of this movie. I've never really been in to smoking pot and what not so usually this kind of stuff ends up not being that funny to me. I've also been pretty disappointed by a lot of Judd Apatow's stuff. Fellow movie fans will probably want to kill me for saying this, but I wasn't such a big fan of Knocked Up and Superbad last summer. I loved the 40 Year Old Virgin and enjoyed Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but wasn't that in to his two huge critical faves. All of that being said, Seth Rogen and James Franco were hilarious in the first half of this movie. Their conversations and on the run antics were great. Then, the movie took its eventually dramatic turn where the two of them parted ways and a lot of screen time was given to the bad guys who were so horribly overplayed (except for Daryl from The Office - he was the only non-annoying one). And they decided to throw the action credibility out the window with Danny Mc Bride getting shot over and over again but continuing to get back up. It was funny the first time, but then it was just plain silly. Luckily, the writers went back to the straight forward hilarious stuff to make you leave the theater still laughing though.

I'd recommend people seeing this if they are looking for a laugh because they were pretty big. The movie just seemed to drag out for a while there with the more actiony parts and the bad guys screen time.

The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor

Doomed by a double-crossing sorceress (Michelle Yeoh) to spend eternity in suspended animation, China's ruthless Dragon Emperor and his 10,000 warriors have laid forgotten for eons, entombed in clay as a vast, silent terra cotta army. But when dashing adventurer Alex O'Connell is tricked into awakening the ruler from eternal slumber, the reckless young archaeologist must seek the help of the only people who know more than he does about taking down the undead: his parents.As the monarch roars back to life, our heroes find his quest for world domination has only intensified over the millennia. Striding the Far East with unimaginable supernatural powers, the Emperor Mummy will rouse his legion as an unstoppable, otherworldly force...unless the O'Connells can stop him first.

This was honestly the worst acting by an entire cast that I think I have ever seen. Not only that, but there are few things more insulting than when a movie franchise thinks that they can continue a character by just plopping another actress in there. Maria Bello trying to fill Rachel Weisz's shoes seemed so over the top and forced that she actually made Brandon Fraser seem like a great actor. I was a big fan of the first Mummy movie and even though the second one was incredibly silly - it was an entertaining movie. This third venture was atrocious. Not even the CGI special effects could save this movie.

I wouldn't recommend anyone checking out this movie out. Its total garbage and a complete waste of time.