Safe

A second-rate cage fighter on the mixed martial arts circuit, Luke Wright lives a numbing life of routine beatings and chump change... until the day he blows a rigged fight. Wanting to make an example of him, the Russian Mafia murders his family and banishes him from his life forever, leaving Luke to wander the streets of New York destitute, haunted by guilt, and tormented by the knowledge that he will always be watched, and anyone he develops a relationship with will also be killed.  But when he witnesses a frightened twelve-year-old Chinese girl, Mei, being pursued by the same gangsters who killed his wife, Luke impulsively jumps to action... and straight into the heart of a deadly high-stakes war. Mei, he discovers, is no ordinary girl, but an orphaned math prodigy forced to work for the Triads as a "counter." He discovers she holds in her memory a priceless numerical code that the Triads, the Russian mob and a corrupt faction of the NYPD will kill for.  Realizing he's the only person Mei can trust, Luke tears a swath through the city's brutal underworld to save an innocent girl's life... and perhaps even redeem his own.

That above stuff is basically just bla-bla-bla-bla.  This movie is literally Transporter 7.  It's just like all the other Jason Statham movies.  Must protect kid.  Fighting the cops and the mob, all of whom are overacted beyond the limits of overacting. Kicks and punches alot.  There are car chases.    I'm pretty much wasting my time saying anything more about this.

Again - it's a Jason Statham movie.  If you like the others - you'll probably like this one.  If you don't - why would you bother with this one?

The Lucky One

U.S. Marine Sergeant Logan Thibault (Efron) returns from his third tour of duty in Iraq, with the one thing he credits with keeping him alive--a photograph he found of a woman he doesn't even know. Learning her name is Beth (Schilling) and where she lives, he shows up at her door, and ends up taking a job at her family-run local kennel. Despite her initial mistrust and the complications in her life, a romance develops between them, giving Logan hope that Beth could be much more than his good luck charm.

This movie is exactly what you would expect it to be. It's a Nicolas Sparks adaptation.  There's lots of drama, there are lots of emotions/drama, etc. etc.  This one was definitely one of the less heavy ones.  Neither one of the main characters died or had some disease slowly killing them like his other entries.  It was a decent enough watch for a "chick" flick.

I would lukewarmly recommend people checking this out.  It's not a must see by any means but it isn't awful either.  It's probably the most credible acting that Zac Efron has done in his career to date. 

The Five-Year Engagement

Beginning where most romantic comedies end, The Five-Year Engagement looks at what happens when an engaged couple, Jason Segel and Emily Blunt, keeps getting tripped up on the long walk down the aisle.

I really enjoy both Jason Segel and Emily Blunt.  Their chemistry in this movie didn't seem forced whatsoever.  Their comedy providing best friends were also awesome.  I love them both from their work on Community and Parks & Recreation.  The laughs were great.  The story was well told and entertaining.  There is a definite hook that makes you care about both characters and understand what they are going through.  The only problem with this movie - and it's unfortunately a big on - is that the movie is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long and you absolutely feel it.  If they could have cut this down to about 90 minutes or paced it a little better, I probably would have loved it.

I would still recommend people checking this out.  Like I said, I really enjoyed the story and characters but I felt like I was sitting there for the full five years.  Although, as I say that - does that mean that they did a really god job of making you take the journey with the two characters?   Mmmmmmm . . . . . interesting.

Think Like A Man

Based on Steve Harvey's best-selling book, Think Like a Man follows four interconnected and diverse men whose love lives are shaken up after the ladies they are pursuing buy Harvey's book and start taking his advice to heart. When the band of brothers realize they have been betrayed by one of their own, they conspire using the book's insider information to turn the tables and teach the women a lesson of their own.

This was a funnier version of most Tyler Perry's movies. You could tell with how much they kept mentioning/mocking Tyler Perry movies.  It was basicaly about four couples learning to be real with each other about their feelings and Kevin Hart was thrown in there purely for laughs.   And he was a perfect mix in to keep this movie flowing.  All of the couples had good chemistry and the movie was watchable but it was absolutely his commentary and riffing that carried this movie for me.

I would somewhat recommend people checking this out.  It's not so heavy on the melodrama like most Tyler Perry movies are.  It's light, the characters/relationships are believable and the laughs are aplenty.

The Cabin In The Woods

Five friends go to a remote cabin in the woods. Bad things happen.  If you think you know this story, think again. From fan favorites Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard comes "The Cabin in the Woods," a mind blowing horror film that turns the genre inside out.

The critics were huge fans of this movie and I read a lot of positive stuff about it.  Then I got nothing but horrible reviews from anyone I know that saw it.  I feel like the result of those two things (along with watching Lockdown just before this) made me see this as middle of the road I guess.  I get the critics choosing to love it because of all the social commentary that is featured throughout what is ultimately a total gorefest and more likely because of them needing to love Joss Whedon since he is attached to The Avengers.  I also get people thinking that this is total garbage because - well it was.  It tried to be overly smart and that was eventualy it's undoing because there was no way that it would pan out to the buildup that they were doing throughout.  The ending just became a crazy fifteen minutes crammed with over the topness across the board.  For once, I'm glad I didn't see a movie when it first came out because I think all the bad word of mouth (again - as well as suffering through Lockdown just before) made this tolerable for me even though it was pretty much poop.

I wouldn't recommend anyone checking this out.  Again - it is ultimately garbage.  The satirical stuff was good but about halfway through ran out of gas and just kind of spiralled in to garbage.

Lockout

 

Set in the near future, Lockout follows a falsely convicted ex- government agent (Pearce), whose one chance at obtaining freedom lies in the dangerous mission of rescuing the President's daughter (Grace) from rioting convicts at an outer space maximum security prison.

This was without a doubt - the WORST edited movie that I have seen in my entire life.  Apparantly, they decided that they wanted a PG-13 rating at the last second and decided to cut back on the blood and/or foul language.  However, they didn't do reshoots and just cut the scenes.  The result is it going from scene to scene with no transition whatsoever.  Pearce headbutts a guy - cut scene - they are running out of the room on the completely different side of where they are with people chasing them.  The movie was a giant turn regardless but could have been a "guilty pleasure" type movie but the editing just makes it straight up unbearable. 

I wouldn't recommend this movie to anyone.  No - wait!!!  Actually, I would.  This is one of those movies that is so absurdly bad - that people should see it just to sit there going "What the f@ck?"



The Three Stooges

Left on a nun's doorstep, Larry, Curly and Moe grow up finger-poking, nyuk-nyuking and woo-woo-wooing their way to uncharted levels of knuckleheaded misadventure. Out to save their childhood home, only The Three Stooges could become embroiled in an oddball murder plot... while also stumbling into starring in a phenomenally successful TV reality show.

This is one of those movies that is what it is.  Were you expecting some sort of greatness?  If so, you are a fool.  It's a franchise that is based on stupidity and silliness.  This movie was stupid and silly . . . . . . . but I was still able to laugh at it for what it was.  It's rated PG so in all honesty, it's more for kids and is full of sight gags and the stooges sounds when goofing around.  I was able to shut off my brain and laugh sometimes at the silliness that it was.

I would somewhat recommend people checking this out.  It's not a must see.  Kids will love it.  You will laugh at times if you are able to shut off your brain like I was.

The Pirates! - Band Of Misfits

In The Pirates! Band of Misfits, Hugh Grant stars in his first animated role as the luxuriantly bearded Pirate Captain - a boundlessly enthusiastic, if somewhat less-than-successful, terror of the High Seas. With a rag-tag crew at his side, and seemingly blind to the impossible odds stacked against him, the Captain has one dream: to beat his bitter rivals Black Bellamy (Jeremy Piven) and Cutlass Liz (Salma Hayek) to the much coveted Pirate Of The Year Award. It's a quest that takes our heroes from the shores of exotic Blood Island to the foggy streets of Victorian London. Along the way they battle a diabolical queen (Imelda Staunton) and team up with a haplessly smitten young scientist (David Tennant), but never lose sight of what a pirate loves best: adventure!

This was a decent watch kids movie.  It wasn't great but it wasn't bad.  It' entertaining enough and short enough that you are ok with it.  Not really much more to say about this movie at all.

I would lukewarmly recommend people seeing this.  It's not a must see by any means.  Kids will like it.  Adults won't hate it too much.  Again - that's really all I've got.

American Reunion

It was summer 1999 when four small-town Michigan boys began a quest to lose their virginity. In the years that have passed, Jim and Michelle married while Kevin and Vicky said goodbye. Oz and Heather grew apart, but Finch still longs for Stifler's mom. Now these lifelong friends have come home as adults to reminisce about and get inspired by the hormonal teens who launched a comedy legend.

This move was a sad attempt at recapturing something that passed by a long time agao.  American Pie was last decades' sex comedy for early 20 year olds.  It was hilarious.  I loved it.  Both sequels were lamer than the original and the franchise ended.  Then this decades' crazy over the top comedy came out. And The Hangover was a classic.  Again - sequel nowhere near as good.  And I have to honestly say that if those movies didn't come out - this movie never would have been attempted and wasted our time.  It was more of the same recycled stuff and characters.  It took way to long to get there.  And I barely laughed at all except for anything non-Stifler related.  Even that got pretty old pretty fast.

I wouldn't really recommend anyone bothering with this.  It was a lame attempt at reincarnating something that should have just been left alone. 

Wrath Of The Titans

A decade after his heroic defeat of the monstrous Kraken, Perseus (Worthington) --the demigod son of Zeus (Neeson)--is attempting to live a quieter life as a village fisherman and the sole parent to his 10-year old son, Helius. Meanwhile, a struggle for supremacy rages between the gods and the Titans. Dangerously weakened by humanity's lack of devotion, the gods are losing control of the imprisoned Titans and their ferocious leader, Kronos, father of the long-ruling brothers Zeus, Hades (Fiennes) and Poseidon (Huston). The triumvirate had overthrown their powerful father long ago, leaving him to rot in the gloomy abyss of Tartarus, a dungeon that lies deep within the cavernous underworld. Perseus cannot ignore his true calling when Hades, along with Zeus' godly son, Ares (Ramirez), switch loyalties and make a deal with Kronos to capture Zeus. The Titans' strength grows stronger as Zeus' remaining godly powers are siphoned, and hell is unleashed on earth. Enlisting the help of the warrior Queen Andromeda (Pike), Poseidon's demigod son, Argenor (Kebbell), and fallen god Hephaestus (Nighy), Perseus bravely embarks on a treacherous quest into the underworld to rescue Zeus, overthrow the Titans and save mankind.

This movie was pretty much poop.  It was a 90 minute excuse for lots of CGI special effects.  The acting was poop.  The story was poop.  I really didn't care from beginning to end so even the effects were not that interesting.  The only entertaining/interesting parts of this movie was trying to recall who played Zeus, Poseidon and Hades in this as opposed to Percy Jackson.  Couldn't for the life of me differentiate and a kid coming back in to the theatre fell down as he ran down the aisle next to us.  Outside of that I was counting down the time for the credits to finally roll.

I wouldn't recommend anyone bothering with this.  Again - it's nothing but special effects and even those are not worth the 90 minutes of your time.