Dishonorable Mention - Lockout
This was without a doubt - the WORST edited movie that I have seen in my entire life. Apparantly, they decided that they wanted a PG-13 rating at the last second and decided to cut back on the blood and/or foul language. However, they didn't do reshoots and just cut the scenes. The result is it going from scene to scene with no transition whatsoever. Pearce headbutts a guy - cut scene - they are running out of the room on the completely different side of where they are with people chasing them. The movie was a giant turd regardless but could have been a "guilty pleasure" type movie but the editing just makes it straight up unbearable.
10. Dredd
This is total garbage. Acting poop. Writing poop. Action even poop. This was just a cheap excuse to show gunshots and exploding blood in slow motion 3D. Total garbage.
9. Silent House
Pretty much a big turd. I felt no fear whatsoever for the first hour. The hand held camera thing is pretty much done for me scary wise unless the movie title is Paranormal Activity and has a number after it. Once the "fear" portion of it was over and they went it to the "swerve", I was beyond done and started reading my book on my phone.
8. The Devil Inside
This movie was not what was advertised. It was not a Paranormal Activity of exorcist movies. It wanted to be. It was advertised (very creepily well) as being so. But it absolutely was not. It was pretty much garbage. It was three creepy or exorcist scenes - which were all in the trailer - and a couple of people running around with a camera. There was pieces of a story thrown in there but they pretty much stopped following that after a while. And the movie just sort of ends. The theater I saw it in was packed and I can't remember the last time that an audience was so out loud pissed at a movie. I've never been happier to not be working at a theater anymore than being able to not deal with the backlash from people dropping money on this.
7. Alex Cross
Words do no justice to just how lame/bad this movie was. No matter what angle you look at it from - it was poop. I am a huge James Patterson fan and have read all the Alex Cross books. Having a background knowledge of Alex Cross was kind of a prerequisite for this movie because they really didn't bother with any of his character development. You were just supposed to kind of know who he was. That being said - the movie was all over the place in terms of the books. The "wife" was never known in the books. Referred to but not known. His partner/best friend was a huge black guy named Sampson - not Ed Burns. His kids ages were all out of sync. They were in Detroit instead of Washington DC. It was beyond frustrating in so many ways. Was this supposed to be like a prequel to the Alex Cross in the books? As a stand alone movie - it was still horrible. The acting was sooooooo over the top. Especially Matthew Fox. Tyler Perry is atrocious casting as Alex Cross. He would have been better as the aforementioned non-existent Sampson. The story was just there and everything was pretty much happening haphazardly. This was like a lame 80's action movie that should have had Sylvester Stallone as a random cop or something.
6. Taken 2
It is hard to believe how God awful this movie was. The first one was a great paced, simple story bada$$ movie. How could they manage to screw up the simplest sequel in the world to make like this? Answer - push way too much of the wife and the daughter and tone it down for a PG-13 rating. All enjoyment was pretty much non-existent in this and a barely 90 minute movie seemed like forever long.
5. Hit And Run
I sat through this movie for the first 30-40 minutes with that "how bad can this movie really be" face on and begging WW to leave. The acting was god awful. Don't know if you read in the synopsis above that Tom Arnold was in it. After seeing his 4th or 5th rant of the movie, I finally realized that I had the car keys on me and was able to use that leverage to pull the plug before Bradley Cooper even came on screen.
4. Cloud Atlas
I wanted so very badly to like this movie. I knew that it was going to either be completely awesome or way too far out there and suck. The movie is three hours long and after a little over an hour, I had no clue what was going on, I wasn't even sure that they were speaking english half the time and I simply couldn't see sitting through this for another two hours. The plug was pulled and maybe one day I will try to brave the rest of this movie, but I doubt it.
3. Silent Hill: Revelation
Not going to even bother here. The first one was a somewhat decent gorefest based on a video game. This is a sequel that was literally made to pull in quick first weekend 3d prices. It was horrible across the board and I walked out after compiling a list of things that I could be doing instead of watching the rest of the rank turd.
2. Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance
Dearest lord in heaven this was awful. I wasn't expecting much. The first Ghost Rider took care of that. I loved this comic book when I was younger and was hoping that maybe they would make it better the second time around. At least the flaming skull effects looked better in the trailer. I was beyond wrong. About halfway through the movie, Stinka and I were BEGGING WW to leave. It just got worse and worse and she finally relented after they showed Ghost Rider peeing fire. I mean really? What in the blue hell made anyone think that was necessary?
1. Pirahna 3DD
Do I even have to bother reviewing this? It's crap. Crap was expected. Crap is what was given. Correction, steaming crap is what was given because they even brought the chaos out of the water and gave me one of the most disgusting images that I will never be able to erase from my memory.
A guy was attacked mid intercourse from a pirahna that was inside the girl. That's all I'm saying. Worst thing I saw all year on a screen.
