10. Primeval
This movie was actually not horribly bad. It was the fact that it was advertised as the story of "the most prolific serial killer of all time" and it ended up that said serial killer was . . . . . a huge alligator. That kick in the nuts advertising ploy gets this movie a spot on the bottom ten alone!
9. Employee Of The Month
It is such a shame to think of how beyond funny Dane Cook was before he went through the most massive bout of overexposure I've ever witnessed. Add that to the walking calamity that is Jessica Simpson and this movie could not have possibly been any less funny or more painful to watch.
8. Perfect Stranger
How could a thriller starring Halle Berry and Bruce Willis be bad, right? I'm still asking myself that question months after seeing this movie. I would have enjoyed watching paint dry more than this steaming pile of dung.
7. Captivity
Outside of the Saw franchise which actually puts effort in to a smart script, can Hollywood please stop making this gore porn movies. They are horrible. I find myself getting incredibly mad at myself for watching these things and then I start to freak out that if someone is demented enough to film/write this stuff - what the hell are they doing with their free time for inspiration, people!?!
6. 30 Days Of Night
The trying to survive from the vampire attack portion of this movie was decent. Unfortunately, I couldn't get past the fact that they were trying to hide from them for 30 days of night . . . . . . in Alaska . . . . . with no heat or electricity . . . . . . sometimes outside under houses or cars . . . . . COME ON NOW! I'd be a little bit more worried about freezing to death after day 2!
5. Next
Nicolas Cage was blessed with a special power of seeing what will happen next. Unfortunately, his power only could let him see about two minutes in to the future. That has got to be the most limited special power ever! Besides the lameness of that - there was so little action that I actually walked out on this juicy turd. I wonder if Mr. Cage saw me doing that 2 minutes prior?
4. Grindhouse
I've heard from fellow movie fans that seeing Grindhouse in its entire 3 plus hour form was great just because of the experience. Unfortunately, when released on video the two movies were issued seperately. I only saw one of them (Death Proof) and you couldn't pay me to even bother watching the other half. It was one of the lamest things I've ever seen and the only reason that this whole thing was made is because Tarantino's ego has gotten way to big and he insists on using his talent to recreate things he thought were cool way back when.
3. Skinwalkers
This is one of those movies that you can't help but wonder for the entire duration how many millions of dollars were totally wasted making this. It had something to do with two werewolf clans squaring off over something that totally didn't matter or make you care in any way. This would have been brutal even as a made for tv movie on the Sci-Fi network. It is completely beyond me how this was made for the big screen.
2. Bug
This movie looked so creepy in the preview. What wouldn't be creepy about a bug infestation like they advertised. Except there were no aforementioned bugs. It was some paranoid delusional guy convincing Ashley Judd that someone was watching them so they stayed in the hotel room . . . . . for the whole movie . . . . . with none of the advertised bugs. I honestly spent most of this movie wanting to drive to the fictional hotel room, knock on the door, and slap Ashley Judd in the face for being in this humongous turd of a movie.
1a. I Know Who Killed Me
So do we, Lindsay. It was you. Over and over and over and over and over again all year long. And just when we thought you couldn't possibly be any more of a pathetic mess - this movie came out. This horrible, pointless movie came out. There wasn't a single minute of this movie that I wasn't watching the screen with a totally disgusted look on my face. It was truly that bad.
Upon further review (I only rented the movie on New Year's Day 2008), the actual worst movie of 2007 is . . . . . .
Shoot Em Up
Be sure to check out my review of this putrid piece of cow dung on the video blog site.
